If Adele was a Cyber Attacker – “Hello” rewritten!

Welcome to my first blog post! The chances are that you’ve landed on this post and maybe not had the chance to see what the site inforisky.com is actually all about. For now its all about this post, as its the beginning of my adventure into the blogosphere!

You can listen to the podcast version of this blog here:
iTunes Podcast link .

As some background, I have been in the cyber security and privacy space for the past 11 or so years and I love it deeply! In a world with so much tech and data, security and privacy touches all our lives.  I want to start contributing more to the industry which has given me so much and so I created this blog. Over the coming months and hopefully years, you’ll see news, articles and my views on the latest Security & Privacy news. 

 “In a world with so much tech and data, security and privacy touches all our lives.”

For now I wanted to start with something a little tongue in cheek. I sat thinking about what to write on my first blog post, it has to be profound and thought provoking, right? I need to make a huge mark, surely? I reconsidered. In a world with so much seriousness let’s start with a bit of humour, supported by a serious message. That serious message is that many organisations and individuals have been massively impacted by security and privacy related issues.

download

Hello, its me!

Whilst I sat at my desk attempting to write my first post – and I must say how difficult it is to work out what your message is to the world, Adele’s Hello was playing in the background. A thought came to mind,  what if Adele was a hacker / cyber attacker? How would Hello be rewritten? The end result is the below. If I can get enough retweets and shares & followers, I plan to actually sing (or get someone I know who can sing, unlike me, who would sound like a strangled donkey) to record a cover.

If you’ve got any suggestions about how we can change the lyrics to make it even more impactful – please let me know. For some who are reading this and don’t have a security background, some of the terms may be alien but I plead with you to google them as it will help you increase your cyber security and privacy knowledge – something which may save you a lot of time, money and embarrassment in the future. 

For those from the security – I hope that you unintentionally start singing the cyber lyrics of hello from now, to confused looks from friends and family.

For now, Hello, Enjoy & Goodbye – Stay safe and remember – “Information is a risky business”

Jeremy Kajendran

Adele – Cyber “Hello” Lyrics ©


Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over, how I hacked you
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But you’re still reeling

Hello, can you find me?
I’ve been virtually dreaming about how your reputation used to be
When you were securer, and wealthy
I’ve bet you’ve forgotten how it felt before, when your stock was riding high atop the NYSE
What a difference after a cyber attack
And to recover, costing millions

Hello from the inside
I must have phished you a thousand times
I’m sorry, for everything that I’ve done
And when the media calls you, you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
I must have DDOS’d you a thousand times
I’m sorry, for breaking your network
And it does matter. All that penetration testing, clearly don’t work, anymore

Hello, how are you?
It’s so typical of me to talk about myself. I’m sorry
I hope, that you’re well
Did you ever make it out of that class action lawsuit, after you thought nothing would ever happen?

And it’s no secret that the both of us, Are running out of time

So hello from the outside
My botnets must’ve pinged a thousand times
I’m sorry, for everything that I’ve done
And you didn’t listen  when your security guy warned you
I guess those roosting chickens, have come home

Hello from your car park
I dropped a load of infected USB’s
I’m sorry, for fooling your staff
All that online security training, clearly don’t work, anymore
Anymore

So hello from the dark web
I’ve sold your data a thousand times
I’m sorry,  you didn’t think to look here
And when the media calls you, you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
Your websites down and you don’t know why
I’m sorry for breaking your market trust
Your promises to you customers clearly don’t work, anymore

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About the author:

Jeremy Kajendran has over 13 years of experience Information Security, Privacy and Risk Management. Jeremy leads Ernst & Young’s (EY’s) UK Financial Services Privacy Practice and is a Fellow of Information Privacy (awarded by the International Association of Privacy Professionals).

Jeremys Linkedin Profile:

Disclaimer:

Views and opinions presented on inforisky.com, talks and podcasts by Jeremy are personal opinions only and in no way represent the views, positions or opinions – expressed or implied – of Jeremy’s previous, current, future employers, consulting customers or anyone else.

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